MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING

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PARICHAYEANI 

 ek aam se kaidi ke rozmarra ki zindgi ke bare me hai. Isme un bhayaanak baato ka koi khas zikr nahi kiya gaya hai jo second world war ke douran hui thi. Is bare me bahut si kitabe chap chuki hai. Kai kahaaniya likhi jaa chuki hai is Vishay par. Hamari kahani us aam admi ke bare me hai jo apna sab kuch kho chukka tha yaha tak ki apni pahchaan bhi. Aur ye us struggle ki kahani hai jo khud ki phchaan banaye rakhne ki koshisho me hai , baavjood un tamaam zulmo sitam ke jo us concentration camp me kiye gaye they. 

Un benaam kadiyon ki kahani jo sirf ek number se zyada aur kuch nahi they. Unki pahchaan aur izzat chhen kar unhe sunwar ke naam se pukaara jaata tha.Nahi, ham koi hero ya shaheed nahi they.Ham sirf haddiyon aur maans ka dhaancha bhar they.. jinhe apne pet ki bhookh mitaane ke liye roti ke tukdo ke saath-saath insaan bane rahne ki zaddozahad bhi karni padti thi. Ye maana jaata hai ki psychology ki study karne ke liye detachment yaani sakht dil hona padta hai. Haa, shyaad isiliye concentration camp ke kaide ki dard bhari daastaan koi bhi baahri insaan kbhi samjh nahi sakta. Ye wo hi samjh paayega jisne us duniya ko kareeb se dekha ho. 

 

Mai is kitaab ko gumnaam tareke se chhapwana chahta tha. Mai nahi chahata tha ki koi bhi mere kaidi number ke alawa kuchh aur mere bare me jaane. Magar phir mujhe ehsas hua ki mujhe himmat karke aage aakar apni pahchaan bataani chhaiye. jisse zyada se zyada log ye kitaab padhe. Maine Camp me psychiatrist ke tour par kaam nahi kiya tha. Apni azaadi se kuchh hi hafto pahle tak mai ek bimaar kaidi tha. Teen saal maine us jail me bitaaye they. Mai Zyadatar railway lines par kaam karta tha. Mera kaam tha tracks khodna..aur mai hamesha laying aur khudaai ka kaam karta tha. 

 

Ek din maine eek tunnel akele hi khodi.ye 1944 ki baat hai, us saal krismas par mujhe premium coupons mile. Mere paas pore 12 coupons they. Iske badle me 12 cigarettes ya 12 soups le sakta tha. Hame construction firms me gulaamo ki tarah becha gaya tha. Jiske badle me concentrations camp ko firm ki taraf se har kaidi ke hisaab se paise milte they. Aur is tarah mai bhi kadi number 119, 104 bankar rah gaya tha. 

 Phase ek : camp me admission 

Camp me rahte huye maine kadiyon ke psychological reaction ke teen phases ko baariki se dekha aur smajha. Pahla phase hota tha camp me admission, dusra routine aur teesra liberation. Jab bhi koi kaidi camp me laaya jata to wahan ke haalaat dekhkar gahre sadme me chala jaata tha. Hamne kai dino tak train se safar kiya. Kadiyon ko thoons-thoons kar carriage me bahra gaya tha. Keval upri hisse me saans bahr lene ki kuchh jagah bachi hui thi. Har coach me assi (80) ke kareeb kaidi they. Hame laga ki hame Poland me mazdoori ke liye le jaaya jaa raha hai.

 

Magar ham dar se kaamp uthey jab hamaari train Auschwitz par aake ruki. Auschwitz ka matlab tha kabristaan aur gas chambers. Phir  jald hi hame watch towers, kaantedaar taro wali unchi diwaare aur kaidyon ki lambi laaine dikahai de gaye. Hamare carriage ke darwaaje khule.dharidar uniform pahne huye kuch kaidi andar daakhil huye jinke sir munde huye they aur sehat bhi theek lag rahi thi. Un logo ke peeche peeche ham eek shed me pahunche. Jo khaas kaidi hame apne saath le gaye inhe capos kaha jata tha , ye log camp me guard ki haisiyat se rahte they. Aam kaadiyo ki tarah inhe bhookha pyasa nahi rakha jaata tha. Inme se kayi to aise bhi they jo yahan rahkar pahle ki zindgi se zyada khush they. Ye saare capos asli guards se zyada zallad hote they.

 

Har shed me 200 kaidyon ko rakha gya tha. Hamari train me kul 1,500 musafir they jo yahan laaye gaye they. Ham sab yahan sahi salamat rahne ki dua kar rahe they.Hame apna samaan train me chhodne ka hukm mila phir hame line me khada kiya gaya. Aadmi aur aurto ki alag alag line banayi gayi.Ek officer ne ham sabki jaanch ki.Wo hamko left ya right me jaane ka ishaara kar raha tha. Ham me se zyadatar left ki taraf rakhe gaye. Us ek ishaare ne hamari ziandgi ka faisla kar diya tha.Mujhe kisi ne kaan me bataya ki jo right me bheje gaye hai unse kaam liya jaayega aur jo left me hai we bimaar aur bekaar hai.

 

Jab meri baari aai to maine har tarh se chust-dursut dikhne ki koshish ki. Aur mere saamne khade aadmi ne mujhe right ka ishara de diya.Left ka matlab tha mout. Aur hamme se 90 % logo ki kismet ka faisla yahi tha. aur  Kuchh hi ghanto baad unhe station se crematorium me le jaaya gaya jahn ek imaart thi jiske bade se darwaaje me alag-alag yuropiyan bhaashao me “bath” likha hua tha. Har kaidi ko ek chota sabun to diya gaya magar shower me paani nahi tha. Usi sham mujhe sachhai pata chali jab main eek dusre kaidi se apne saathi ke bare me poochtaach ki jise left me jaane ka order mila tha.

 

Us kaidi ne chimni ki taraf  ishara karte huye kaha “tumhara dost wahan se zannat ki siar karega” Haan, mera dost sach me zannat pahunch gaya tha kyonki germans ne use zinda hi jala dala tha us gas chamber ke andar. Jo log kamzor they unhe camp ke liye bojh samjha gya aur unki kismet me mout likh di gayi thi.Yahi unka tareeka tha aur isiliye wahan insaani jaan ki koi kimat nahi thi. Ham me se jo log right me gaye unhe guards apne saath kaam par lekar gaye. Hame cleansing station ki tarf  bhaagne ko kaha gaya. Ham camp ke chaaro tarf lagi kaantedaar taro se paas se guzre.In kaantedaar taro me bijli ka krant doudta tha.

 

Guards ne ham sab ko bari-bari jaancha. Unki aankhe haamri ghadiyon aur jevro par thi. Phir ham eek kambal diya gaya jisme hame apni sabhi cheeze daalni thi. Kuchh logo ne apne medal ya shaadi ki angothi rakhne ki guhar ki magar kisi ko bhi apne paas kuchh bhi rkahne ki izazat nahi mili.  Phir ek guard ne chillakar 2 minute ke andar sabhi ko apne kapde utaarne ko bola sirf joote chhodkar. Ham sab wahi par line me khde khde nange kar diye gaye. Jinhone belt nahi utaari thi guards ne unpar kode barsaaye. 

 

Hame ek kamre me le jaakar shave karaya gaya. Hamare badan par ek baal tak nahi choda gaya ham khud ko hi nahi pahchaan paa rahe they. Uske baad phir se ham sab line me lage nahaane ke liye. Ye ganimat thi ki sprays se sch me paani aa raha than a ki koi gas. Mere badan me chasme ke alawa aur kuchh nahi tha ek baal tak nahi.Ham khud poore nagnepan ke sath dekh rahe they. Iske siwa aur chara bhi kyat ha hamare paas ? badan par ek bhi resha nahi, apni koi bhi cheeez apne paas nahi, apne nangepan ko chhupaane ki khaatir bdan ke baal tak nahi. Ham nange geele yun hi kahde they “ab aage kya hoga” yahi scohte huye. 

 Phase do: routine aur nirasha se bhare din 

Us raat maine dusre aath kaidiyon ke sath aath feet ki ek kothri me raha. Wahi hamara bistar tha jisme ham sab ek dusre se chipke huye let gaye they. Hame aath logo ko odhne ke liye do kambal diye gaye thye. Ye baat jhooth hai jab koi bolta hai ki wo iske ya uske bagiar nahi so sakta. Ham us tang jagah par kisi tarah neend bhar sone ki zaddojahad kar rahe they. Agle kuch ghanto ke liye ham dard se aazaad they. Ham bagiar daant maanje apne din ki shuruwat kiya karte they.Mahino tak hame kapde badlne ka mouka nahi milta tha kyonki pure tareeke se phate hue kapdo ke alwaa hamare paas aur kuchh nahi tha.

 

Nahanaa bhi hame mushkil se hi naseeb hota tha.Kaam karte karte haamre haatho par chhale pad jaate they lekin dawa ka kahin koi naam nahi tha.Sahi kahta tha dostovsky ki insaan kuchh bhi jhel sakta hai. Bizli ke taro ko choo kar khudkhushi karne ka khyaal ham sabke zehan me aaay tha. Hame har wakt ye dar satata tha ki kahin hame bhi baakiyon ki tarah gas chamber me le jaakar zinda na jala de. Upar se guards aksar bina vajah hame peeta karte they. Ham zindgi se pori tarah naaummed ho chuke they. Hame har wakt aisa lagta tha ki mout hamare sar par naach rahi hai aur kab kis wkt hame daboch legi kuchh pata nahi. 

 

Haamre sath ek dusra doctor bhi tha jo mera hi saathi tha. Wo apne kothri se bachkar hamari kothri me aa gaya tha. Wo hamare Auschwitz pahuchne ke hafte bhar pahle hi aaya tha. Aur usi ne hame bataya ki “ agar zinda rahna chaahte ho to ek hi rasta hai, yahan kaam karne ke liye khud ko fit dikhaate raho” yahan aise bahut se kaidi hai jo bimaar hai, bahut nirash aur dukhi lagte hai, aise logo ko gas chamber me le jaakr mar diya jaata hai, inhe ye log “moslems” kahkar bulaate hai. Concentration camp me rahte huye ham sab apni zindgiyon se bahut maayus ho chuke they. Bachne ka koi rasta nazar nahi aata tha.

 

Jis din se ham camp me aaye they, apne ghar aur parivaarwalo ki yaad me tadaf rahe they. Jo hamne dekha wo haamre liye ek bhayanak sapne ki tarah tha, behad ghinouna aur daravna. Magar aane ke baad dheere-dheere ham un sab cheezo ke aadi hote gaye. Ham itne nirash they zindgi se ki ab hame kuchh bhi mahsoos nahi hota tha. Ek bhikari ke kapde bhi shaayad hamse behtar hote honge. Jo uniform hame mili thi wo sirf chethre they aur kuchh nahi. Hame rahne ke liye kothriya di gayi thi.Agar koi dusri kothri me jaata dikhta to use kadi saja milti thi.Un kothririyon me ham apne sare kaam karte they, khana, sona yahan tak ki tatti bhi.

 

Hamari kothriyan ek tarah nark se bhi badtar halat me thi. Jo naye kaidi laaye gaye unki halat aur bhi kharaab thi. Unse latrine saaf karwaayi jaati thi. Mana karne ki koi gunjaaish nahi thi, Jo mana karta uske munh par tatti mal di jaati.Aur Jo us gandgi ko hataane ki koshish karta, use capos ki maar jhelni padti thi.  Aksar kaidyon ki punishment parades nikaali jaati thi. Unhe camp ke chaaro aur kai-kai ghante guards ki maar khaate huye march karna hota tha. Ek 12 saal ke ladke ko saja ke tour par barf par nange pair khade hone ka hukm mila. Bahut der tak usi halat me rahne se use frostbite aur gangrene ho gaya tha. 

 

Ye har roz ki baat thi jab ham logo ko dard se tadpte huye aur marte dekhte they. Ye ab hame behad aam lagne laga tha, hame ab kuchh bhi mahsos nahi hota tha. Na koi dard naa dukh naa daya aur naa hi haamre man me dar tha. gahre sadme ki haalat me ham in sab insaani zazbato ko bhool chuke they sirf ek khaalipan tha jo haamre bheetar bsa hua tha. Aisa khalipan jisme ab zazbato ke liye koi jagah nahi thi.Mujhe ek bar typhus ke bimaar kaidyon ki kothri me rakha gaya.

 

Unki halat bahut kharaab thi.sabko tez bukhaar chada hua tha aur vo bhaut zoro se kaamp rhe the. kai log to meri aankho ke saamne hi mar gaye. Har mout ke baad dusre kaidi marne waale ki laash par toot padte they. Koi mare huye ka coat jhapat leta tha to koi uske joote aur koi us kaidi ka bacha hua khaana kha jaata tha. Sirf do ghante pahle hi to main us aadami se baate kar raha tha aur ab uske marte hi wahan hadbad mach gayi. Uski cheezo ko hathiyaane ki chhenajhapt chal rahi thi. us shorgul ke beech mai bhi chupchaap apna soup peeta raha.. 

 Guards ham logo ko jab chaahe tab peet dete they. ek din jab mai railway track par kaam kar raha tha to badi zor ka barfeela toofaan aaya. mai jhukar kar do pal ke liye susta hi raha tha ki wahan khade ek guard ki nazar mujh par padi. Use naa jaane kya laga ki usne ek pathhar uthakar mujh par fenka. Mujhe us din apni halat us jaanwar si lagi jo kheto me kaam karta hai. Mujhe ek baar sir par sirf is vajah se do baar maara gya kyonki mere pechhe wala kaidi line par nahi chal raha tha. Aise mouko par maar khaane se utni takleef nahi hoti thi jitna beizzati aur zulm ki intehaa se hoti thi.

 

har wkat bevajah ki maar ne hamare atm samman ka gala ghont diya tha. Hamari insaniyat chheenkar hame jaanvar banya jaa raha tha. Lagbhag ham sabhi ko Bhaut zaada kaam karne ki vajah se edema ho gaya tha. Ham sabke haat pair buri tarah sooje huye they.haamri skin itni skht ho chuki thi ki ghutno ko modne me hame takleef hoti thi. pair itne bade ho chuke they ki unme joote nahi aa paate they. magar joote pahnana hamari mazboori thi kyonki marching ke liye aur barf me kaam karte wakt ham nange paanv nahi rah sakte they. bahut dafa aisa bhi hua ki marching karte huye koi kaidi barf me fisal pada aur peeche ke baki log us par gir pade.

 

Aise me guard ek pal ki bhi deri nahi karta tha apne rifle ke pichle hisse se hame maarne me.

Hame kaha jaata ki normal labour hamse bhi kam wkat me bahut sara kaam kar lete hai. Magar kya normal labour ko hamari tarah hi roti ka chota sa tukda aur patla soup milta tha? We hamari tarah apne parivar aur ghar ke liye nahi tadapte hai aur naa hi unhe baat-baat par jaanvaro ki tarah peeta jaata hai. Haamri ye udaasi ek tarah se hamara sef defence thi.hame sirf kisi tarah zinda rahne ki havas thi. ham me se har koi aksar din dhal jaane ke bad yahi kehta ki “chalo, aaj ka din bhi beet gaya” 

 

Ab Hamare khyaal aur zazbaat sirf zinda rahne aur bhookh pyaas mitaane tak simit they.jo bhi kaidi sota tha to sirf roti, cake aur garm paani se nahane ke sapne dekhta tha. Kaam ke dourna gurads ki aankh bachakar aksar ham sab apne pansdeeda khaane ka zikr kiya karte. Ham aksar aapas me recipes share kiya karte they. apni aazaadi ki ummed dil me liye ham is kaid se chhotne ke baad reunion ke planning bhi karte they. sabhi log usi din ka intezaar kar rahe they jab we yahan se riha hokar apne-apne ghar loutenge aur apne parivarvaalo ke sath baithkar hansi -khushi khana khaynege. 

 

Hamara ye kboosurat sapna haamri is roti ke chand tukdo aur paani se bane soup ki hakekat se bahut door tha. Kabhi kabhi hame cheese aur margarine khane ko mil jaata tha. Aur kbhi ghatiya kism ke sausage ya patla sa jam bhi. Hamare bhari bharkam kaam ke hisab se ye khuraak bahut halki thi khaaskar tab jab hamare paas pahnne ko sirf cheethre they. Sharer se jab sara fat khatm ho jaata hai to sharer khud ko hi khaane lagta hai. Bharpoor khuraak na milne par muscles gayab ho jaati hai. Jab bahar se protein nahi milta to sharer apne andar jama fat ko hi jalane lagta hai.

 

Ham har din khud ko haddiyon ka dhancha bante huye dekh rahe they. hamari halat ye thi ki kothri me bhukhmari se ab kiski mout hogi, ye ham yakeen ke sath kah sakte they. raat sone se pahle mai khud se hi kahta tha” ye sharer, mera ye sharer ab bas pinjar banker rah gaya hai. Mai kya tha aur ab kya ho gaya hun. “ Har subha sooraj nikalne se bhi pahle tez awaaz me teen seetiyan bajaayi jaati jinki aawaz sunte hi ham uthna hota tha .ham jaise taise apne pairo par khade ho jaate they, Kaam par jaane ke liye sooje huye pairo ke sath geele joote pahanne ki zaddojahad karte huye.

 

Phir usi tarah ladkhadaate kadmo ke sath baahr niklate barf par march karne ke liye. Har roz railway track khodte huye ham apne dopahar ke khaane ka besabri se intezaar karte they ki kab siren baje aur kab hame khaane ko mile. Hame subah 9:30 se 10:00 baje ke beech khana diya jaata tha.Yahi hamare poore din ka sabse khaas wakt hota tha.Sab itne bhookhe hote they ki hamme se kuch log to palak jhapkte hi poora khana kha jaate they.magar main khane ka ek hissa bachakar apni jebo me bhar leta aur phir use thoda-thoda karke khaya karta tha. 

Mera tabadala Auschwitz se dachau ke concentration camp me kar diya gaya.

 

Wahan kul 2,000 kaidi they.jaate wakt hamari train Vienna se hokar guzari. wahi shaher, jahan mera ghar tha. Prison car ke andar ham sab kul 50 log they. hame thoons kar us dabbe me bahra gaya tha jisme ek bhi khidki nahi thi. hamme se kuchh log jameen par baith gaye jabki kuchh poore safar me khade rahe. Us dabbe me do bade ched they jisse hame baahr ka manzar dikh raha tha. Train ki patriyan mere vatan se hokar guzarti thi aur us ghar ke paas se bhi jahan kabhi mai raha karta tha.

 

Apne ghar ki yaad aate hi mai tadaf utha, maine baakiyo se minnat ki ki we mujhe thodi si jagah de de taaki ched me se mai apna ghar dekh saku. Magar Meri bato aur mere zazbaat ka unpar koi asar nahi hua. Kisi ko bhi koi fark nahi padta tha ki mai apna ghar dekh saku kuch pal ke liye hi sahi.Magar un logo ne mujhe ched tak pahuchne ki jagah nahi di. Balki Unme se ek kaidi ne taana maara” tum itne saal tak yahan rah chuke ho? Achha, phir to tum pahle hi is jagah ko achi tarah dekh chuke hoge”. “Jeevan ka arth samjhne ki koshish karta insaan “

1945 ki sardiyon se lekar basant ka mousam aane tak Auschwitz camp me typhus kahar faila hua tha. Lagbhag sabi kaidi iska shikaar ban chuke they.kai log is bimaari se mar bhi gaye they. jo bimaar they unke liye alag quarters ka intezaam kiya gaya tha magar wahan kisi bhi tarah ki dawa ya koi doctor nahi tha. Mai bhi is bimari ke chapet mai aa gaya tha. iske asar se bachane ke liye mai sota nahi tha balki apne dimaag me lectures taiyar karta rahta tha. Jis din hame camp laaya gaya tha us wkt maine apni sabhi manuscript waha jama karwa di thi. khud ko busy rakhne ke liye mai kaagaj ke chote-chote tukdo par likha karta tha. 

 

Koi kaidi bhale hi shaaririk aur maansik tour par toot jaaye magar uski aatma ko aap maar nahi sakte. Viswas me wo taakat hai jo hame badtar haalat me bhi zinda rakhti hai.ham me se kuch log din bhar kaam karne ke baad apni kothri me prayer karne ke liye ikathha hote the.Camp survival ke bare me ek galat dhaarda hai, wo ye ki jo survive kar lete hai we sharer se mazboot hote hai magar ye sach nahi hai. Yahan wahi survive kar sakta hai jiski rooh taaktvar hoti hai. Jo uparwale par poora vishwas rakhta hai ki uske ghar me der hai andher nahi. Sensitive , intellectuals aur thinkers jaise log hi akelpan aur nirasha ke palo me khud ko sambhaal sakte hai. Kyonki unhe apni aatma ki gahraaiyon me sukoon ka ehsaas hota hai.

 

Bhale hi baahr se unhe dard ya takleef jhelni pade magar unke unki aatma aaksah me udte panchiyon ki tarah azaad hoti hai. Jab koi tumse tumari har cheez cheen le, tumhara kaam, tumhari khushiyan, tumhara parivar yahan tak ki tumhari pachchan bhi to aap kaise zindgi ke maayne dhoonhd sakte ho? Jab sar par har wakt mout ka kahtra mandra raha ho to sharer bhi sookh kar kaante hone lagta hai. Aise me kahin bhi ummed ki kiran nazar nahi aati hai. To aise zindgi ke mayne hi kya hai ?ek camp prisoner aisi zindgi se bhala kya umeed kar sakta hai? Kya uske paas ab bhi kuchh bacha hai jo uske zinda rahne ki vajah ban sake ?

 

ya isse behtar to wo haar maan kar jeene ki aas hi chod de? Jaisa maine kaha ki mai camp me koi psychiatrist nahi tha par maine wahan rahte huye un kadiyo ko bahut kareeb se dekha tha. Unke har psychological reaction ko baariki se samjha tha. Hamare roz marra ke bhookh, zulm aur mout ki jung se mai apni logotheraphy ki padhaai bhool gaya tha. Aur maine ye bhi jaan liya tha ki ye pyaar bhari yaade aur kudrat ki khoobsurti ka hi kamaal hai jo aisi zillat bhari zindgi me bhi kaidyon ko jeene ki ek vajah de rahi thi.

 

 Maine apni kothri me baithkar is kitaab ka manuscript likhna shuru kar diya tha. Kai baar zaroorat padti to mai apne saathiyo ki counselling bhi karta tha. Aakhir ham sab azadi ki ummed ka chirag apne dilo me jalaye baithe they.yaha se nikal kar dubara zindgi jeena ka khwaab ham sab dekhte rhate they aur agar azaad hone ke baad kuchh na ban sakta to zindgi ki nai shuruwat karne ka sapna bhi hamare man me tha. Aur sabse zaroori baat to ye thi ki ham abhi zinda they, hamari sanse sahi salamat thi.aur jab tak zindgi hai tab tak umeed hai. 

Ek din subah bahut jald hi ham apne kaam par nikal gaye they.

 

Guards ham par chilaa  rahe they” “tukdi, aage bado! Baaye-2-3-4, baaye-2-3-4, Baaye-2-3-4, baaye-2-3-4, .jo dheere chal rahe thye unhe laate pad rahi thi. ham pani se bahre huye gaddho aur bade-bade pathro se takraate huye us andhere me chalte rahe. Tabhi chaanak mere aage wala aadmi mere kaan me fusfusaya” kya hoga agar hamaari biwiyan hame aise dekh le !yahi acha hoga agar unhe ye sab pata hi na chale.”  us aadmi ki bat sunkar mujhe meri patni ki yaad aa gayi. Maine aasman ki tarf dekha, uska chehra meri aankho ke saamne tairne laga. Sooraj ki pahli kiran ke saath uski muskuraahat mere chehre par fail gayi thi. 

 

Us din pahli bar mujhe prem bhari kavitaao aur gaano ka arth samjh aaya. “insaan ki mukti prem mai hai, keval prem me”mai wo aadmi tha jiske paas kuch nahi tha, jo is virane me itni takleefe jhel raha tha, phir bhi meri pyari biwi ki yaad ne us ek pal ko khushiyon se bhar diya tha. Mai dil hi dil usse baate karne laga. Uske bare me sochte huye mai usse sawal poochta raha wo un sawalo ke jawab deti rahi. Mere aage chalte huye log gir rahe they, guards se kode khaa rahe they magar mai apne khayaalo me dooba tha.